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July's Book Review Continued
 July 1, 2002This Month's Book Review
Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
The parlor window was open, and she could hear voices. Mama
loved the smell of roses to fill the parlor. Sarah wanted to sit and
listen to her parents. That way she would know just when Papa
wanted her to come back again. If she was very quiet, she wouldn't
disturb them, and all Mama would have to do was to lean out and
call her name.
"What was I to do, Alex? You've never spent so much as a minute
with her. What was I to tell her? That her father doesn't care?
That he wishes she had never even been born?"
Sarah's lips parted. Deny it, Papa! Deny it!
"I brought that swan back from Europe for you, and you throw it
away on a child who has no appreciation for its value. Did you give
her the pearls as well? What about the music box? I suppose she
got that, too!"
The daisies fluttered from Sarah's hand. She sat down on the ground,
careless of her pretty dress. Her heart slowed from its wild, happy beat.
Everything inside her seemed to spiral downward with each word.
"Alex, please. I didn't see any harm in it. It made it easier. She asked
me this morning if she was old enough yet to meet you. She asks me
every time she knows you're coming. How would I say no to her again?
I didn't have the heart. She doesn't understand your neglect, and neither
do I."
"You know how I feel about her."
"How can you say how you feel? You don't even know her. She's a
beautiful child, Alex. She's quick and charming and she isn't afraid of
anything. She's like you in so many ways. She's someone, Alex. Y
ou can't ignore her existence forever. She's your daughter...."
"I have enough children by my wife. Legitimate children. I told you I
didn't want another."
"How can you say that? How can you not love your own flesh and
blood?"
"I told you how I felt from the beginning, but you wouldn't listen. She
should never have been born, Mae, but you insisted on having your
own way."
"Do you think I wanted to get pregnant? Do you think I planned to have
her?"
"I've often wondered. Especially when I arranged a way out of the
situation for you and you refused. The doctor I sent you to would have
taken care of the whole mess. He would've gotten rid---"
"I couldn't do it. How could you expect me to kill my unborn child?
Don't you understand? It's a mortal sin."
"You've spent too much time in church," he said derisively. "Have you
ever thought that you wouldn't have the problems you do now if you had
gotten rid of her the way I told you. It would've been easy. But you ran
out."
"I wanted her!" Mama said brokenly. "She was part of you, Alex, and part
of me. I wanted her even if you didn't...."
"Is that the real reason?"
"You're hurting me, Alex!"
Sarah flinched as something shattered. "Is that the real reason, Mae?
Or did you have her because you thought bearing my child would give
you a hold over me you otherwise lacked?"
"You can't believe that!" Mama was crying now. "You do, don't you?
You're a fool, Alex. Oh, what have I done? I gave up everything for you!
my family, my friends, my self-respect, everything I believed in, every
hope I ever had....
"I bought you this cottage. I give you all the money you could possibly
need."
Mama's voice rose strangely. "Do you know what it's like for me to walk
down the steet in this town? You come and go when and as you please.
And they know who you are, and they know what I am. No one looks at
me. No one speaks to me. Sarah feels it, too. She asked me about it
once and I told her we were different from other people. I didn't know what
else to say." Her voice broke. "I'll probably go to hell for what I've
become."
"I'm sick of your guilt and I'm sick of hearing about that child. She's
ruining everything between us. Do you remember how happy we were?
We never argued. I couldn't wait to come to you, to be with you."
"Don't---"
"And how much time do I have left with you today? Enough? You've
used it up on her. I told you what would happen, didn't I? I wish she had
never been born!"
"Mama cried out a terrible name. There was a crash. Terrified, Sarah got
up and ran. She raced through Mama's flowers and across the lawn and
onto the pathway to the springhouse. She ran until she couldn't run
anymore. Gasping, her sides burning, she dropped into the tall grass,
her shoulders heaving with sobs, her face streaked with tears. She heard
a horse galloping toward her. Scrambling for a better hiding place in the
vines about the creek, she peered out and saw her father ride by on his
great black horse. Ducking down, she huddled there, crying, and waited
for Mama to come fetch her.
But Mama didn't come and she didn't call. After a while, Sarah wandered
back to the springhouse and sat by the flowered vines and waited longer.
By the time Mama came, Sarah had dried her tears and dusted off her
petty frock. She was still shaking from what she had heard.
Mama was very pale, her eyes dull and red rimmed. There was a blue
mark on the side of her face. She had tried to cover it with powder. She smiled, but it wasn't like her usual smile.
"Where have you been, darling? I've been looking and looking for you."
Sarah knew she hadn't. She had been watching for her. Mama licked
her lacy handkerchief and wiped a smudge from Sarah's cheek.
"Your father was called away suddenly on business."
"Is he coming back?" Sarah was afraid. She never wanted to see him
again. He had hurt Mama and made her cry.
"Maybe not for a long time. We'll have to just wait and see. He's a very
busy and important man." Sarah said nothing, and her Mama lifted her
and hugged her close. "It's all right, sweetheart. You know what we're
going to do? We're going to go back to the cottage and change our
dresses. Then we'll pack a picnic and go down to the creek. Would
you like that?"
Sarah nodded and put her arms around Mama's neck. Her mouth
trembled, and she tried not to cry. If she cried, Mama might guess she
had been eavesdropping and then she would be angry too.
Mama held her tightly, her face buried in Sarah's hair. "We'll make it
through this. You'll see, sweetheart. We will. We will."
Alex didn't come back, and Mama grew thin and wan. She stayed in
bed too late, and when she got up, she didn't want to go for long walks
the way she used to. When she smiled, her eyes didn't light up. Cleo
said she needed to eat more. Cleo said a lot of things, carelessly, with
Sarah close enough to hear.
"He's still sending you money, Miss Mae. That's something."
"I don't care about the money." Mama's eyes filled up. "I've never cared
about it."
"You'd care if you didn't have any."
Sarah tried to cheer Mama up by bringing her big bouquets of flowers.
She found pretty stones and washed them, giving them to her as
presents. Mama always smiled and thanked her, but there was no
sparkle in her eyes. Sarah sang the songs Mama taught her, sad Irish
ballads and a few Latin chants from mass.
"Mama, why don't you sing anymore?" Sarah asked, climbing up onto
the bed with her and setting her doll in the rumpled covers. "You'll feel
better if you sing."
Mama brushed her long blonde hair slowly. "I don't feel much like
singing, darling. Mama has a lot on her mind right now."
Sarah felt a heaviness growing inside her. It was all her fault. All her
fault. If she hadn't been born, Mama would be happy. "Will Alex come
back, Mama?"
Mama looked at her, but Sarah didn't care. She wouldn't call him Papa anymore.
He had hurt Mama and made her sad. Ever since he'd left, Mama had
scarcely paid attention to her. Sarah had even heard Mama tell Cleo
that love wasn't a blessing, it was a curse.
Sarah glanced at Mama's face, and her heart sank. She looked so sad.
Her thoughts were far away again, and Sarah knew she was thinking of
him. Mama wanted him to come back. Mama cried at night because
he didn't. Mama pressed her face into her pillow at night, but Sarah still
heard her sobs.
She chewed on her lip and lowered her head, playing distractedly with
her doll. "What if I got sick and died, Mama?"
"You won't get sick," Mama said, glancing at her. She smiled.
"You're far too young and healthy to die."
Sarah watched her mother brushing her hair. It was like sunshine flowing
over her pale shoulders. Mama was so pretty. How could Alex not love
her? "But if I did, Mama, would he come back and stay with you?"
Mama went very still. She turned and stared at Sarah, and the horrified
look in her eyes frightened her. She shouldn't have said that. Now
Mama might guess she'd heard them fighting....
"Don't ever think that, Sarah."
"But---"
"No! Don't you ever ask such a question again. Do you understand?"
Mama had never raised her voice before; Sarah felt her chin quiver.
"Yes, Mama."
"Never again," Mama said more gently. "Promise me. None of this has
anything to do with you, Sarah." Mama reached out to pull her into her
arms
and stroke her tenderly. "I love you, Sarah. I love you so much. I love you more than anything or anyone in the whole wide world."
Except for him., Sarah thought. Except for Alex Stafford. What if he
came back? What if he made Mama choose? What would Mama do
then?
Afraid, Sarah clung to her mother and prayed he would stay away...
This Is Collectible Treasures July Monthly Book Review. I hope you
enjoyed the small part taken from the Prologue..there's more to it, plus
the contents of the continuing story Which: has 464 pages plus a 4
page note from the author. The Book Redeeming Love by Francine
Rivers. A wonderfully touching story!
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